February 7, 2012

Movie Review: Immortals

Stars: Henry Cavill, Mickey Rourke, Freida Pinto, Stephen Dorff R

Cavill stars as Theseus, a mortal chosen by the gods to lead the fight against Hyperion (Rourke), a truly evil man who is trying to find the legendary Epius Bow so that he can use it to unleash the imprisoned Titans and conquer Greece. Theseus is a slave faced with the choice of either leading an uprising against Hyperion with only his fellow slaves (Dorff included) and a very attractive Oracle (Pinto) beside him, or watching Greece fall.

I love the Greek myths and the stories of the Greek gods and the Titans. I can't get enough but I walked away from Immortals highly disappointed. It has a wispy bit of a plot that includes a bit of gratuitous nudity on the part of I'm-only-here-to-provide-eye-candy Pinto. The Greek gods were laughable in their ridiculous headpieces. (Anyone who can make Kellan Lutz look effiminate as an immortal god should be fired.) And in case you're worried about all these pretty faces sucking all the testosterone out of the movie, rest assured that there was enough blood and gore to put 300 to shame. With Rourke's beaten-to-a-pulp mouth and the masks he and all his henchmen wore, it was often times hard to understand what all was being said in Camp Evil. Not that I feel like I missed out on anything.

I was so disappointed in Immortals. I want more from my Greek myths than just pretty abs and creepy Titans. I want an exciting, campy adventure and it didn't deliver. Give me Sam Worthington any day. (**)

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