February 18, 2013

Parents, Beware!

(Oh, sweet, sweet blog--how I've missed you. It's amazing how much working full time cuts into my blog time. And really, how wrong is that?)

I've just returned from our first Girl Scout campout. That's right--I'm now the leader of Sassy's Girl Scout troop. Because, you know, I didn't have enough things to do. Friday evening we headed out in a caravan of 4 cars that held the 10 girls who were able to go, myself, and the 4 other moms who were so gracious to come along to provide extra wranglers help. We are a troop of Juniors--4th and 5th graders--and in my car, I had 2 of our 4th graders. It was only a 1 1/2 hour drive to camp (plus a 20 minute potty break and a 20 minute WalMart stop for last-minute supplies), but oh, the things I learned on that road trip.

Let me give you parents a warning. If there is anything you don't want the world to know about you or your family, don't talk about it around your children because they will TELL EVERYONE. Repeatedly. And at top volume. Nothing is sacred to our children. I know what you're thinking--"Yeah, yeah, I know. That's why we don't cuss/gossip/discuss finances in front of the little angels." But you don't understand. They hear EVERYTHING. And then they tell their friends. And their friends' parents. And anyone else who will listen. They'll just keep going and before you know it, everyone is looking at you funny and giving you a little extra room when sitting near you and you find yourself discreetly sniffing under your arms and doing the breath test to see why everyone is suddenly shunning you.

I'm not kidding. Here is what I heard during our trip, completely unedited and in no way exaggerated:

"Hang on. Your life story is hard to sort out. Let me get this straight..."

"My dad had a special surgery."

"My Grandma smokes."
"My parents don't smoke. They're good people."

"My mom is 40. She's celebrated her 20th birthday twice."

"I cussed in my dream but it's okay because I was asleep and didn't know no better."

"My mom doesn't like camping. She likes all that frou-frou, fancy stuff."

"My mom can't take care of me because she has a stupid new boyfriend. He was in jail but he's out now."

"You're a middle child, too? Don't you hate it? No one pays attention to you! They only pay attention to my little brother."

Girl 1--"Are you a Christian?"
Girl 2--"What's a Christian?"
Girl 1--"Miss Slacker, are you a Christian?"
Me--"Yes, I am a Christian."
Girl 1--"Then can you explain to Girl 2 what it is?"
Me--"A Christian is someone who believes in God and follows the bible and the teachings of Jesus."
Girl 2--"Then I'm definitely a Christian."
Girl--"Oh. I'm not. I'm a Hindu. My mom is a Hindu. My dad is Hindu, too, but he believes in God."

"My mom quit her job but she had to wait awhile to do it or they wouldn't give her the money she needed for her new job."

"I'm not allowed to eat at fast food places. Do you know how they cook their chicken? They put in all the feet and beaks and gross stuff!"

Needless to say, once the girls got past their rousing rendition of "Old MacDonald Had a Farm" and dove into Kid Confessions, the trip became most entertaining. And when I wasn't trying (and mostly succeeding, I'm proud to say) to smother my laughter, I just kept thinking, "What in the world is my daughter sharing with her driver???"


  1. LOL!!! Too funny and soooooo true! Megan's kindergarten teacher (years ago!) said in the first Meet the Teacher Meeting, "If you promise not to believe everything they tell you about me, I will promise not to believe everything they tell me about YOU!"