August 12, 2013

"The Internship": On Screen and In Person

MC and I spent an evening at the discount theater as we took in 2 back to back movies. Love date night! One of the movies we saw was the "The Internship", starring Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson. They are watch salesmen who find out that the company they work for has folded and they are now unemployed. Left with no options, they apply for an internship program at Google which promises job opportunities for the winners, and, surprisingly, are accepted as interns. The joke comes in the fact that they are old school, pre-social media throwbacks who are out of their depth among shiny, fresh-faced college whiz kids who've grown up being plugged into laptops, iPhones and iPads.

Among their little team of interns, which includes their 23 year old manager/mentor, Vaughn and Wilson look like dads coming to check up on their children who've been away at university. They just don't belong. Of course the other "Nooglers" (what they call new Googlers), run around spouting code and html and CSS language that goes right over the old men's heads. But while Vaughn and Wilson's characters have a steep learning curve when it comes to computers, they have something the other kids don't: people skills. They have been salesmen for years and are adept at the art of customer service and relating to other humans. They know how to motivate and connect people and ultimately succeed in pulling their little ragtag team of misfit Nooglers together.

The point being that it takes all different types of skills and talents, working together, to make a team successful.

Yay for message movies! Now we're all happy, happy, joy, joy and we can all get along.

I least, I thought we could.

Jump forward 12 hours and I'm sitting in a meeting at work with 2 of my bosses and the other 3 writers on our team. We are behind in production and are getting a dressing down as well as a pep talk from the head of our department. As they are trying to motivate us to work harder, the other female writer pipes up with the suggestion that she is willing to put in extra hours to get this done even faster than expected and maybe the rest of us could, too.

Sounds reasonable, right? So why did I want to punch her in the throat? Possibly because I think I'm becoming ageist. Either that or I'm getting old. (Sadly, I don't know which is worse.) The thing is, she's young. Really young. Like, maybe all of 20. She's this cute, perky little thing with her I'm-so-alternative-I'm-hip lip piercing and her tattoos. (Yes, I have tattoos, too, but I'm sure somehow they are "mature" tattoos.) And while we are on the same team, I have to admit that it grated on my nerves a bit to have this KID making suggestions on how we can do better work.

When did I become a bitter grown up?

I mean, I have no problem with teens (other than the whole sagging pants thing). I don't complain about kids loitering at the mall or listening to loud music (Although, now that we're on the subject, when did movies get so loud?) and I'm not intimidated by crowds of teens hanging out on the sidewalks. So why do I have a problem with this girl, who is barely out of the teen years herself?

During our 6 week internship, we were offered prizes such as gift cards and laptops and iPods depending on our production. Perky Girl usually won the prize of the week as she was putting in 10-12 hour days because, in her words, she "had nothing else to do". I, on the other hand, was working full time along with taking care of my 3 children and my husband, and was involved with sports and Girl Scouts. I was lucky to get in 3 hours in a week and then I would just work like crazy on the weekends and cross my fingers that they wouldn't kick me out of the program for low production.

I believe my problem started back then, when I realized there was only one other intern there who was over
the age of 35, and most weren't even over 25. Now we're down to 4 and I'm the only one over 30. The others don't even look like they are old enough to drink but are probably closer to 25. Did I mention that NO ONE in the office is my age? With the exception of my boss' boss, who I've only met once, I'm the oldest person there. I'm fairly certain I'm the only one with children. (Did I mention Perky Girl is closer to Howdy's age than mine?) So how did it happen that, while I'm in constant amazement of my age when I am certain I am so much younger, I am suddenly feeling old?

It has no bearing on my ability to do my job, that's not an issue. But I had to bite my tongue when she suggested we put in extra hours to get the job done faster because I didn't think pointing out the fact that I have a household to run and children to care for would compute with these young and unfettered little pups.

I guess I can admit that I really don't have a problem with Perky Girl; she's a very nice person and a good worker. My problem is the fact that, as MC was kind enough to point out, at work I am the Vince Vaughn. And how appealing does that sound?

August 5, 2013

Holy Bulging Bikinis, Batman!

I've made 4 trips to the water park this summer and I've decided there should be some rules when it comes to swimwear. Actually, I think there should be some rules when it comes to dressing in general, but I'll save those for another rant  post. For today I'll stick with the swimsuit...uh...we'll call them suggestions, not rules, just to prevent any ruffled feathers.

1.     If you wouldn't walk through the mall in your bra and underwear, don't wear a bikini outside. 
MC can't understand why women don't just wear a matching bra and underwear set to swim in. It covers the same amount (sometimes more) and is likely to be cheaper. It's true. If I can look at you and get a pretty good idea of what you look like naked, you need more clothes. If you are wearing a bikini, you are asking (and getting) men to look at you. Fact. In my opinion, bikinis are only acceptable on those who are younger than 2 or are pregnant. I know many who won't agree with pregnant women in a bikini but pregnant bellies are beautiful to me. Not to mention finding a maternity suit that doesn't make you look like a beached whale is next to impossible. Although I would still ask that you keep your baby feeders properly covered.

2.    A swimsuit should offer as much support as your undergarments do--maybe even more.
Ladies, we all know that age and gravity are not our friends. A bathing suit top should offer support--not
just a means to cover the Girls. We all know that as we get older the Girls tend to lose their perkiness and head south. I DON'T NEED TO KNOW HOW FAR SOUTH YOUR GIRLS HAVE TRAVELED! Especially if your bikini top has to rest on your belly button just to keep you from flashing what no one besides your husband wants to see. Harsh? Maybe. But so is sharing with the rest of the world your jiggling waist adornments. 

3.    Buy for your size!This is a pet peeve of mine, especially when I see fit young girls squeezing themselves into jeans a size or 2 too small, which then creates a muffin top on an otherwise slim body. I saw a very large woman at the waterpark in a nice bathing suit that covered what needed to be covered and fit her well. They make swimsuits that fit every body type and shape. There's no excuse for squeezing into one that makes you look like a stuffed sausage or puts your junk on display for all to gawk at. Find one that fits! Bring an honest friend with you to the dressing room if you have to; don't depend on the opinions of the salespeople. They want the commission; they will lie.

4.     White is not an acceptable color for swimwear.
This goes for men and women alike. I don't care how thick your clothing is, if it's white and wet, it's not pretty. There's just something about white fabric when it gets wet that allows it to highlight every bump and dimple that the good Lord gave you. I accept the fact that we all have cellulite, that doesn't bother me. But I do prefer a little mystery as to what's underneath that swimsuit.

5.     Just be modest.
I'm all for being confident and comfortable with your body, no matter what size you are or how much cellulite  you've got or hair on your chest you have. But there is a difference between being comfortable and drawing attention to features that are meant to be kept private and treasured. On a trip to Puerto Vallarta with MC the year after we got married, I wore a bikini. I was thin enough to get away with it and I figured I was in a foreign country so it was okay. I keep that photo as my motivational pic to lose weight. In fact, I look at it quite a bit while I'm eating my midnight snack of M&Ms. However, I couldn't do that again even if I still had that body. Why? Because I'm convicted that my body belongs to my husband and he is the only one who should be seeing it in any state of undress. To be scantily clad is to draw attention and inspire thoughts in other men that should only be thought of by my husband. Men are visual creatures and will picture a woman naked when she is almost all the way there. They can't help it. So why, mothers, do you allow your precious treasure of a daughter to prance around in a bikini that will only cause men (and boys) to think of her in lustful ways? They may never act on it but they will have that image of your sweet princess in their head. And men, wearing form fitting swim trunks that emphasize your junk, not matter what size it may be, is just gross. We are not impressed. If we are staring, it is not because we are lusting after you, it is because we can't believe you deluded yourself into thinking that wearing tiny spandex underwear in the water was a good idea. (The same applies to Olympic swimmers--sorry.)

I realize that some of you heartily disagree with my stance on swimwear, but that's okay. You give me and my friends plenty to look at and talk about when we are at the waterparks.