November 12, 2013

It's a Surprise to No One

I believe that when God made us, He took great joy in the process. And even though it seems to me that there is a finite number of body forms, I do believe that He made each one of us unique. I'm also starting to believe that when He got to me, He was looking to shake up the forming process a bit. Maybe He was bored, maybe He wanted to experiment, maybe He knew it was time to make someone just a bit...different.

I'm not saying I'm special, I'm just saying that sometimes I feel like my particular strand of DNA is not the factory norm. I sometimes wonder if maybe God reached down into His bin of Personality Parts and just pulled out a haphazard grab of finds and stuck them all together. While I don't think I'm defective, I do sometimes think there is a disconnect in the way my brain is wired.

For instance, being a perfectionist but always running late or having a messy house. You wouldn't think those would go together. Or the fact that I refuse to leave my bedroom without my Girls being properly strapped in but I'll shake the junk in my trunk at a club with no inhibitions whatsoever. You see what I mean?

I was hit by another discovery today. (I would call it a confession, but since that's all I do on here anyway I think that's pretty much a given.) I usually have a hard time taking compliments. You compliment my cooking and I will be quick to tell you my mom taught me how to do it (even if she didn't teach me how to make this particular dish). You compliment my clothes and I will point out that I paid $1 at a garage sale for the outfit. You thank me for my work on a project and I will make sure you realize it was a group effort. So it came as a shock to me to realize today that:

I am the LEAST humble person I know!!!

Okay, okay, I will admit, it wasn't that big of a shock (and you don't have to agree so quickly on that point). I think the shock is more that I'm willing to own up to it. But after getting a particularly nice compliment about my blog, I realized I was riding on a high that was going to carry me throughout the rest of the day. And not only that, but I was still on cloud 9 after a meeting at work where it hit me that part of my job could include posting my blogs on a national website. I freely admit that I like to be the center of attention with theater and dressing up and doing stupid, embarrassing things (on purpose), but I didn't realize how much I live for positive feedback.

That, my friends, is my ultimate guilty pleasure.

You see, I blog because if I don't purge the words that pile up in my head, I fear it may literally explode. But underneath all that, I blog because nothing makes me happier than knowing I made someone smile or laugh. And it's not in a "I-want-to-make-the-world-a-better-place", altruistic act of kindness. No, the truth is, I just want to be that funny. I want to get a reaction out of someone and then go back to my room and pat myself on the back because I did that. I go back over my blogs and my Facebook posts and (seriously) I find myself to be hysterical. Knowing that someone else shares my point of view is priceless!

Yes, I admit that I am that self-centered.

I want a nationally shared blog that people can't wait to read. I want books published that people stand in line for. I want to be a guest speaker that has the audience laughing out loud. Why? Because making other people laugh is like manna to me. And to be honest, it's not just the laughter. I want to cause other people to have some kind of emotional reaction, whether it's laughing at my bad luck, or crying at a heartbreaking story--I want to have that kind of effect on people. I want to leave a lasting impression. And doesn't that pretty much define narcissism?

So it addition to knowing that I was born without a motivation gene and that my domestic gene is missing everything but the laundry and baking portion, I now add a lack of humility to my list of DNA quirks. I would pat myself on the back for recognizing this trait in myself but I strained my arm after that last compliment.

No comments:

Post a Comment