May 5, 2014

Let's Get Physical

Some years ago, while we were still living in WA, I was walking on a regular basis with my mom in an attempt to get in shape. At the time, I felt so motivated to keep it up that I set a goal--I would be able to run a marathon before I turned 40. Obviously I'm closer to 40 than I was before, but I'll be honest--a marathon does not factor into my future plans at this moment.

However, it's hit me that I AM closer to 40 (I refuse to discuss how much closer lest reality causes me to curl up in a fetal position and ugly cry), but I'm not any closer to getting in shape. If I never shared my secret dream with you before, let me share it with you now. My dream is that I will be a fit, cut, hard bodied chick who can kick some tail and battle with the best of them. If I could snap my fingers or wiggle my nose, I would turn myself into a female Navy Seal, without the enlistment. My girl crush is Kate Beckinsale, not for her romantic movies but for her roles in the Underworld series. I dream of being the next Lara Croft, Black Widow, or Sydney Bristow--able to take out the enemy with a swift hit to the throat or kick to the head, all while looking good in spandex and heels. (Well, maybe not the spandex.)

But then reality intrudes. I am a middle-aged mother of 3 who gets winded as soon as I actually pick my feet up off the ground. So maybe superhero-dom isn't in my future, but that doesn't mean I can't get in shape, right?

I've already started with Muay Thai (kickboxing) classes, and today I had my first session with a personal trainer. I stared with a warm-up on the treadmill (pretty easy) and then we moved over to the weight machines. He started me in on pulling and pushing weights (3 reps of 15 on each machine) until I was soaked in sweat and didn't think I could do anymore. He took it easy on me and after my 2nd rep on one of the machines he told me to take a water break. I got a drink, caught my breath, and was feeling proud of myself for managing 2 reps when he said, "OK, now finish it." Are you kidding me?! "You've got to push yourself." Hey, I ran on the treadmill, didn't I? But somehow I managed to finish. He did this to me repeatedly until my arms felt like Jell-O and I started to wonder if I'll be able to do any typing at work.

I had to do the water break/recovery thing on another machine that had me pulling down on a bar that was over my head and bringing it down to my lap while lifting 45lbs. A guy jumped on while I was watering up and moved it to 150lbs. After he got his reps in, he moved on. But not before smirking at me! I'm not kidding! Was I supposed to be impressed? Dude, I've given birth to 3 babies. Come back to me when you've accomplished that. I wasn't the least bit intimidated, I just told the trainer to move it back to my baby weight and "let's go".


Thankfully, it was time for the cool down after that. Apparently, Trainer didn't think I'd been breathing hard enough with the warm-up so he bumped up my speed on the treadmill. You want me to sweat? Mission accomplished.

After showering off all the sweat, I managed to drag my clothes on. My arms wouldn't cooperate enough to tie my shoes, apply makeup, or even put in earrings (despite the fact that I feel naked without makeup or earrings).

On the way out, I said to Trainer, "I'll see you Wednesday."
Trainer: "Great, then we'll get to work on your arms!"
What?! I can't even move my arms at the moment and he wants to work on them again? In just 2 days? What happened to mixing up the routine? I might just hit him...if only I could lift my arm.
Me: "But we just did my arms!"
Trainer: "Today we worked your back. See you Wednesday!"

Now if only I could find a nuclear power plant or a radioactive spider before then...


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